Important Business Con 2011

As a career gal and recent job-seeker, I begrudgingly use Twitter to follow important professionals in my field. Most of them are witty, smart and pass along interesting links, but since they’re super mega important, they attend a lot of fancy conferences where they pat one another on the head and tweet about it ad nauseum. In years past I’ve been lucky enough to score some free vacays/trips to informative, relevant conferences, and I’ve succumbed to tweeting about it with requisite hashtags.

But be warned: conference tweets are usually completely uninteresting to folks who aren’t actually there, and often so poorly done that they’re unhelpful to attendees. Tweet conferences well or tweet them not at all.

Don’t play stenographer and tweet the speaker’s words verbatim; it only ends up as contextless clutter in someone’s feed (between tidbits from @DRUNKHULK and @humblebrag). If you must, quote the presenter and artfully add your own insight or opinion.

Don’t try to summarize a speaker’s thesis in one tweet (or even in a series of tweets). 140 characters isn’t enough to give the gist of a one-hour talk or to give your followers any actionable direction. For the love of hashtags at least include a link to a video or article.

Don’t tweet the free after-events. If you do, your boss will know you’re only in it for the parties.

Watch your frequency. It is entirely likely — nay, probable — that you’re not the only tweeter in my feed, and the assumption that I want a feed solely consisting of  conference tweets will garner you a quick unfollow.

Of course, it could be that I’m totes jealous of all these conference tweeters, because I’ve been to An Event Apart before and I know they have the best food and keep fresh Starbucks out all day. Or because I’ve been following these pseudo-lebrities for years and want to join in on the fun.

Because isn’t that the the very crux of Twitter? It’s a big ol’ middle school slumber party that you’re not invited to but can — thanks to the glory of technology — still see all the inside jokes. So the next time your boss sends you to Pompous Jerk Con (#PJCCHI2001), remember that most of your followers aren’t in attendance and might not even care about the subject matter at hand. If you must tweet it, make your followers feel as if they’re sitting on the hard, uncomfortable banquet chair next to you and eagerly awaiting the cardboardlike box lunch after the next session. And make sure that even your non-industry friends and family can find something amusing or interesting about your conference tweets.

A brief guide to commonly used emoticons

:)  The smiley face. Potential meanings:

The thing I just said makes me happy. I’m going to the Yeasayer concert tonight – should be great! :)

I feel insecure/sad about the thing I just said but am trying to convince myself everything will be fine. I’m kind of concerned that he won’t call me back, but maybe it’s too early to be worried. :)

I’m saying something really heavy but want you to know that I still love and/or respect you. I’m sure you’re a good person. I think I just have unusually high standards. :)

I realize I am being passive aggressive, but seriously. Hey guys! Like I said, I need to make reservations by tonight if we want to get a table, so if you could let me know soon, that would be great! :)

:(  The sad face. Potential meanings:

This makes me sad. My grandma’s not doing too well. :(

I want you to feel bad. Yeah, it’s too bad. I thought we could be friends. :(

;) The wink. Potential meanings:

Just kidding. Haha, you’re a nerd. ;)

I’m flirting with you. Got a sexy movie from the library today – think I’ll wait and watch it with company. ;)

:/  The slanty thing. Potential meanings:

Eek. Wow, he said that to you? :/

I’ve made a typo. Sounds good. See you then. :/

:D and ;D :) and ;), but more.

This entire post is based on the hope that if a boy does one of these things to you, it means he totally has the hots for you.

Other considerations:

Sender gender

If your emoticon is coming from a gentleman, it can most likely be interpreted literally; a smile means he’s smiling, a wink means he’s feelin’ frisky, etc. If you’re receiving virtual facial expressions from a lady, treat them the way you would in real life; a smile could mean she’s smiling, scheming, or, literally, putting on a happy face.

Response time

If you send a text or email and immediately receive an emoticon in return, chances are the response was instinctive and the indicated emotion is genuine. If response time is five minutes or more, the sender has potentially had time to calculate and only he and baby Jesus will ever know if it’s for real or not.

Sender literacy

If your emoticon sender generally uses more three-letter shorthands than actual words, he or she may be incapable of written expression, and emoticons – and communications in general – should be disregarded.

Other interpretations or usages? Please share!

As others see us

Facebook friending is mutual — it’s a two-way street of photo tagging, birthday well-wishing and Farmville crop watering (I assume). Twitter is a horse of another color. If I follow you, you may or may not choose to follow me in return. A follow-back on Twitter is quite the honor, and whenever I see an email letting me know that a Twitter follow has been reciprocated, I get the warm fuzzies. Someone I’ve never met, who moments ago was not even aware of my existence, has looked at a few 140 character blurbs, made an assessment and has not found the content wanting. Whatever they’ve gleaned is enough to warrant a daily infusion of my 140-character blurbs. It’s the very height of internet approval, and the shy, quiet, always-the-new-kid 15-year-old girl in me preens a little bit every time I get a follow-back.

When I follow someone, I anticipate the brief once-over that my twitter feed might get, so I make sure it’s the best version of @brooxie that it can be. I make sure it’s in tip-top shape, with no generic clutter and nothing overtly offensive. I strive for just the right blend of frivolous and professional that will give the reader an idea of what they’ll be seeing from me on a somewhat daily basis. I usually do some gentle pruning of the tweets and @-s that don’t pass muster.

Like every other self-focused tweeter, I want my first impression (one could call it a tweetpression, just for funsies) to be compelling enough to inspire a follow-back. So I give thanks to the internet and places like Twitter, which gives me a way to artfully craft my first impression in a way that real life doesn’t. But I appreciate my less-than-stellar in-person life impressions, too. What’s more humbling than a bombed joke, a bumbled handshake or misinterpreted words? So I look forward to a future filled with those imperfect first impressions that make me the disheveled goof that I am, @brooxie be damned.

What’s the con(tent)?

A few weeks ago, I met a supercool dude.  I really wanted to friend him on Facebook, but wasn’t sure what the most nonchalant approach was. Wait a few days and then “come across” him? Look him up immediately?  Hold off and see if he friended me first?

I found myself wishing there was some sort of handbook telling me exactly what to do in this situation.  You know, like Social Media 101: A Guide to Real Life Application.  Chapter 1: When to Friend a New Friend.  I’ve spent a long time telling myself that the Internet is not real life; the meat of our existence lies in face-to-face interactions, the musty smell of library books, getting lost in city streets rather than a virtual maze of hyperlinks and RSS feeds.  (What the hell is an RSS feed, anyway?)  But the truth is, somewhere along the way, the universe that pulses inside a box on our desks has crept into our lives.  It’s not yet something we can breathe or touch or smell, but it does connect us, inform us and occasionally make us feel; it’s become a part of living.  Daily, we reconnect with best buds from happy times, develop Internet crushes on witty bloggers and tweet loyally to followers we’ve never met.  So, the question we face is: How do we incorporate this inundating, instant, infinite web into the world of musty-smelling books, bustling city streets and boys meeting girls?  I dunno.  But it’s worth figuring out.

Oh, and the dude-friending dilemma?  Well, as often happens in the part of my life that is tangible, I realized I was being silly; I should just do it.  After all, it’s only Facebook, right?